I confess I've rummaged through several self-help books and podcasts over the years and what strikes me is that I found the information I needed when I was ready to learn it. It was't the book exactly. Readiness to learn was the magic, and as important, willingness to fail. Any self help guru needs to support failure and how to get back up to keep going.
Yes - I had a riff on this perspective in a draft of this post but took it out. The book is static - and some of the work and timing to be ready is up to the reader. But then again, the title and branding of the book should be helping potential readers identify if the book is for them right now.
A side idea in all this is to make the book "a self help book for people who don't like self help books" but I really have no idea exactly what that means :) It just sounds interesting.
There are people who might be tired of this category—self-help books. Is there a merit in positioning it as *self-support* category, or even *self-support-system*? #thinking
They do not talk about the failures—where self-help book, or those practical tips and guides fail, how those practitioners fail first, failed again, and then may or may not have failed or succeeded at last. Most of them miss the reality.
I love this list, and definitely agree that a lot of books have a pretentious tone, or even a "one size fits all" mentality. I'd like to see books that did in the trenches a bit more and have some bitter truth to them. I've been out of work for about a year now, and have been struggling just to eat. Believe me when I say, I can weed through books that are fluff REALLY fast. I want to hear from someone that has been in the trenches, worked their buns off to get where they got, and any wise words of advice. Sometimes it doesn't have to be overcomplicated. It can be as simple as, "stay strong. Get up, brush your teeth, take a shower and believe today is the day." I want to know someone has the authority to speak on a subject. For example, a few years back, I saw someone do a podcast on how to run a successful comedy club. The problem was, they weren't successful. They won ONE local award, mostly by sweet talking people, and they were working 3 jobs to pay rent. So, it was phony baloney.
Times are rough right now, and people can see through BS. Enough with get rich on Etsy books, or any get rich quick books.
I think part of the reason people have a fascination with court cases, true crime, and things like that are that they are real. They may be rough to watch, but they are real. It's difficult to navigate through much else on the airwaves these days.
And people have different backgrounds. Many authors I've read make assumptions about the reader. I know it's difficult to be a one-size fits all, and greatly depends on the topic at hand, but the writer needs to either not make assumptions about the audience, or put some kind of a disclaimer in the "about this book" section.
I have someone very dear to me who is a multi-millionaire, and when he writes his articles, they are directed for million dollar businesses. He's very open about that. When I hear critique of his advice, it's usually based on the fact they don't know he isn't directing his advice at THEM. They aren't his audience. I am not his audience. Don't buy hot peppers if you want to eat ice-cream.
I'm all over the place here, but I guess the biggest thing I am saying is have integrity. Be true to yourself and know your audience.
I’m not sure if this adds anything new or just reshuffles points you’ve already made, but one thing that consistently bugs me about a lot of self-help books is their preachiness. And by that, I don’t just mean a strong point of view. I mean a tone that mixes superiority with subtle blame or even victim-shaming. It’s that unspoken vibe of, “You could do this if you weren’t so lazy/ignorant/misinformed.” They rarely say it outright, but it lingers in the background with the less thoughtful ones.
It reminds me of something I heard from another speaker early in my speaking career: build your stories around the four Fs: your firsts, fears, failures, and frustrations. As you know, speakers often try to establish credibility through credentials or accomplishments, but that can create distance. Leading with the four Fs brings you alongside the audience. You’re saying, “I’ve wrestled with this too—and that’s why I might be worth hearing.” Writing works the same way.
That also helps avoid another trap: generic advice. I’ve seen speakers and writers fall into one of two ditches. One is pure “how-to” content—technically useful, but not worth an hour when you could Google it in five minutes or ask ChatGPT in 30 seconds. The other is all personal story, which may be entertaining, but often perceived as irrelevant by the audience.
But when you run your “how-to” through your lived experience, your unique lens, you offer something useful and meaningful. That’s not something people can just look up. The four Fs help shape that kind of message so it connects instead of just instructs.
Very helpful. Thank you. The 4Fs is new to me, even though I've been writing and speaking for a long time.
I think some authors believe that preachiness is the same as confidence? And there are likely some readers who feel this way too, so it can be effective - as after all, the term derives (I assume) from preachers.
I have one of those coffee mugs that say, "I useta culdn't even spel preechur, and now I are one." I think the term DOES derive from preachers, or perhaps the worst stereotype of preachers that, unfortunately, has some basis in experience. I think even among preachers, the most effective use some version of the 4Fs, since those who stand above and apart make little impact. Otherwise it also feeds the common trope seen in TV shows of the preacher as hypocrite.
I commented on a LinkedIn post the other week, but wanted to add a few more thoughts...
1) Really like what Brita mentioned about being ready to hear/learn. It could be the most amazing book in the world, but someone not ready for it may discard or criticize it because it doesn't fit where they're at right now. Sometimes it's a defensive reaction to highlighting a sensitive area for them.
2) You may run into different types of readers. Some people need *everything* backed up with data/science or they'll dismiss the entire thing. Others don't. I don't think one is better than the other.
3) People have different needs. Sometimes I read with a how-to mindset and sometimes I read to feel better/hopeful/optimistic. Both have their value. I've been unlearning a bit of the how-to seeking because that's an endless pit and I need to decide what works for me.
Scott – what do you hope people will say about the book you are writing? Perhaps that can be useful as you make decisions.
One aspect that hits all three elements is that people hear things differently at different points in their life. An idea that seemed irrelevant at 30 might be the whole key at 40. It's one of the reasons I continue to read self-help books or articles; someone may phrase something in an entirely new way that makes it click for me.
for better or worse, I am not a self-help guy. friends who are appear to be looking for some key, or personal anchor, to steady themselves or help them find "the answer."
the healthiest approach is probably what brita said below - they had the info when she was ready to accept it. on the other side, I know of people who have spent decades reading self-help and attending seminars trying to fill some hole, real or imagined or defined by society, and Im afraid they will keep up this search until their dying day...
I confess I've rummaged through several self-help books and podcasts over the years and what strikes me is that I found the information I needed when I was ready to learn it. It was't the book exactly. Readiness to learn was the magic, and as important, willingness to fail. Any self help guru needs to support failure and how to get back up to keep going.
Yes - I had a riff on this perspective in a draft of this post but took it out. The book is static - and some of the work and timing to be ready is up to the reader. But then again, the title and branding of the book should be helping potential readers identify if the book is for them right now.
A side idea in all this is to make the book "a self help book for people who don't like self help books" but I really have no idea exactly what that means :) It just sounds interesting.
There are people who might be tired of this category—self-help books. Is there a merit in positioning it as *self-support* category, or even *self-support-system*? #thinking
They do not talk about the failures—where self-help book, or those practical tips and guides fail, how those practitioners fail first, failed again, and then may or may not have failed or succeeded at last. Most of them miss the reality.
I love this list, and definitely agree that a lot of books have a pretentious tone, or even a "one size fits all" mentality. I'd like to see books that did in the trenches a bit more and have some bitter truth to them. I've been out of work for about a year now, and have been struggling just to eat. Believe me when I say, I can weed through books that are fluff REALLY fast. I want to hear from someone that has been in the trenches, worked their buns off to get where they got, and any wise words of advice. Sometimes it doesn't have to be overcomplicated. It can be as simple as, "stay strong. Get up, brush your teeth, take a shower and believe today is the day." I want to know someone has the authority to speak on a subject. For example, a few years back, I saw someone do a podcast on how to run a successful comedy club. The problem was, they weren't successful. They won ONE local award, mostly by sweet talking people, and they were working 3 jobs to pay rent. So, it was phony baloney.
Times are rough right now, and people can see through BS. Enough with get rich on Etsy books, or any get rich quick books.
I think part of the reason people have a fascination with court cases, true crime, and things like that are that they are real. They may be rough to watch, but they are real. It's difficult to navigate through much else on the airwaves these days.
And people have different backgrounds. Many authors I've read make assumptions about the reader. I know it's difficult to be a one-size fits all, and greatly depends on the topic at hand, but the writer needs to either not make assumptions about the audience, or put some kind of a disclaimer in the "about this book" section.
I have someone very dear to me who is a multi-millionaire, and when he writes his articles, they are directed for million dollar businesses. He's very open about that. When I hear critique of his advice, it's usually based on the fact they don't know he isn't directing his advice at THEM. They aren't his audience. I am not his audience. Don't buy hot peppers if you want to eat ice-cream.
I'm all over the place here, but I guess the biggest thing I am saying is have integrity. Be true to yourself and know your audience.
I’m not sure if this adds anything new or just reshuffles points you’ve already made, but one thing that consistently bugs me about a lot of self-help books is their preachiness. And by that, I don’t just mean a strong point of view. I mean a tone that mixes superiority with subtle blame or even victim-shaming. It’s that unspoken vibe of, “You could do this if you weren’t so lazy/ignorant/misinformed.” They rarely say it outright, but it lingers in the background with the less thoughtful ones.
It reminds me of something I heard from another speaker early in my speaking career: build your stories around the four Fs: your firsts, fears, failures, and frustrations. As you know, speakers often try to establish credibility through credentials or accomplishments, but that can create distance. Leading with the four Fs brings you alongside the audience. You’re saying, “I’ve wrestled with this too—and that’s why I might be worth hearing.” Writing works the same way.
That also helps avoid another trap: generic advice. I’ve seen speakers and writers fall into one of two ditches. One is pure “how-to” content—technically useful, but not worth an hour when you could Google it in five minutes or ask ChatGPT in 30 seconds. The other is all personal story, which may be entertaining, but often perceived as irrelevant by the audience.
But when you run your “how-to” through your lived experience, your unique lens, you offer something useful and meaningful. That’s not something people can just look up. The four Fs help shape that kind of message so it connects instead of just instructs.
Does that help?
Very helpful. Thank you. The 4Fs is new to me, even though I've been writing and speaking for a long time.
I think some authors believe that preachiness is the same as confidence? And there are likely some readers who feel this way too, so it can be effective - as after all, the term derives (I assume) from preachers.
I have one of those coffee mugs that say, "I useta culdn't even spel preechur, and now I are one." I think the term DOES derive from preachers, or perhaps the worst stereotype of preachers that, unfortunately, has some basis in experience. I think even among preachers, the most effective use some version of the 4Fs, since those who stand above and apart make little impact. Otherwise it also feeds the common trope seen in TV shows of the preacher as hypocrite.
I commented on a LinkedIn post the other week, but wanted to add a few more thoughts...
1) Really like what Brita mentioned about being ready to hear/learn. It could be the most amazing book in the world, but someone not ready for it may discard or criticize it because it doesn't fit where they're at right now. Sometimes it's a defensive reaction to highlighting a sensitive area for them.
2) You may run into different types of readers. Some people need *everything* backed up with data/science or they'll dismiss the entire thing. Others don't. I don't think one is better than the other.
3) People have different needs. Sometimes I read with a how-to mindset and sometimes I read to feel better/hopeful/optimistic. Both have their value. I've been unlearning a bit of the how-to seeking because that's an endless pit and I need to decide what works for me.
Scott – what do you hope people will say about the book you are writing? Perhaps that can be useful as you make decisions.
One aspect that hits all three elements is that people hear things differently at different points in their life. An idea that seemed irrelevant at 30 might be the whole key at 40. It's one of the reasons I continue to read self-help books or articles; someone may phrase something in an entirely new way that makes it click for me.
for better or worse, I am not a self-help guy. friends who are appear to be looking for some key, or personal anchor, to steady themselves or help them find "the answer."
the healthiest approach is probably what brita said below - they had the info when she was ready to accept it. on the other side, I know of people who have spent decades reading self-help and attending seminars trying to fill some hole, real or imagined or defined by society, and Im afraid they will keep up this search until their dying day...