Rule #5: Do it anyway

When you make a goal, list the excuses you can not use

How do you get yourself to do something you don’t want to do? This is one of the most important questions a person can ask themselves. It helps to recognize the question means that we are conflicted: one part of us wants to do the thing, maybe it’s to eat healthier or to have a hard conversation with a friend, but one part does not. Which part wins? And how? The answers determine much about how our lives turn out.

Mel Robbins suggests that there is a secret in the Nike motto of Just Do It. She says it’s the word JUST. If we only had the words “do it”, it’d be easy to ignore. But the word “just” recognizes the hesitation we feel before committing to something. It’s a reminder to stop thinking so much. We can always start doing the thing and if it really sucks we can stop. But not to start at all is a self-limiting choice.

I think of self-discipline as love for the future version of myself. It’s like ordering a gift that will arrive at my own door, but only a week or a month from now. Instead of cash, I can only pay with time and attention. If I feel love for the future version of me, why wouldn’t I do nice things for him? That’s my trick. We make sacrifices for friends, family and community, because we want to be generous to others. Self discipline is simply making a similiar kind of sacrifice to ourselves.

My rule is: Do It Anyway. This rule has been on my whiteboard for a decade or more (photo below). If you think of me as productive, disciplined or successful this rule is why.

I like this rule because, as Mel Robbins suggests, it acknowledges the list of reasons my brain is great at inventing for why I should not do the thing. And there are always reasonable arguments. Which include:

• I’m not in the right mood

• I’m tired

• I worked hard enough already

• I had a bad day

• I want to have fun

• I’m scared of how I will feel if I do it (which is often the real resistence)

But “do it anyway” says that this list is irrelevant. There will always be temptations to avoid the work. And the sooner I start doing whatever the thing is, my focus will be in the present, and I will be fully alive again, instead of feeling the half-dead dread of anxiety and the self-conflict of resistance.

My wise friend Chris McGee, who loves to ride and race bicycles, had this on the wall in his garage. When I saw it, it was immediately familiar. It captures the spirit of my rule very well.

The rule helps you be kind to yourself

It might seem at first that this rule is heartless. That our feelings are irrelevant and we must be taskmasters to ourselves. The Stoics would approve of a rule like “do it anyway” since it suggests an indifference to emotions. But that’s not what this rule means to me.

Instead, it’s OK to feel unmotivated. It’s OK to feel afraid. Whatever feelings we have are real and must be honored. Feelings don’t make us weak or insecure. We are inherently emotional creatures: the oldest and strongest parts of our brains are emotional, not rational. Emotions give us the motivation and energy we need to do anything interesting in life.

However, “do it anyway” means my feelings do not automatically dictate my behavior. I can choose to go to the gym, or work on the novel, anyway, no matter what feelings I have. Embracing our feelings does not necessarily require that they control our choices in the world. The goal is a balance, to be in touch with our feelings but without being slaves to them.

“Do it anyway” can also mean quitting. Walking away from something or someone can be the bravest and most self-loving choice a person can make. Many of the things we think we want are projections from culture and family that do not suit us well. If all you do is quit things that’s a different kind of problem, but “do it anyway” can mean letting something go. It doesn’t have to mean making yourself miserable by grinding out a project that you entirely despise that could only ever possibly satisfy other people.

The idea of not letting our moods dictate our behavior is an old one. There are plenty of philosophers and artists that offer advice with the same spirit:

“If you only walk on sunny days you’ll never reach your destination.” ―Paulo Coelho

“We have this idea that we need to be in the mood to write. We don't.” - Julia Cameron

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles.” – Buddha

“Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work.” - Chuck Close

"The best way to complain is to make things" – James Murphy

I admit that writing, which is almost certainly how you know me, is a perfect manifestation of “do it anyway”. Why? You can write about being mad. You can write about being tired. You can even write about not wanting to write (it’s strangely fun! Try it). And by doing it anyway our minds are freed from the baggage of fearful preconceptions that assume the worst was going to happen. One undeniable truth is we can never predict how we will feel in the next moment. It’s good to stop trying to control everything and let the chips fall where they may. Do the thing anyway and see what happens. Even Shia LaBeouf agrees.