Rule #3: Be here now (but how?)
This is easy to say, but how do you achieve it?
Many popular platitudes involve time. Carpe Diem. Momento Mori. Live for now. Most people believe that time is precious and we should live in the moment. Yet we struggle to do this. We’re increasingly distracted, anxious and depressed.
A favorite related quote is from Lao Tzu:
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
Whenever I share this quote with people they often respond as if it’s really profound. “Oh, that makes sense.” And it does. But knowing this quote doesn’t make our habits for stumbling into the sad past, or fearing the future, any better.
In Camus’ famous essay the Myth of Sisyphus, he calls out that we have to imagine Sisyphus happy, in spite of the heavy stone and the endless hill. Why? Because Sisyphus still had the freedom of his mind and could think whatever thoughts he chose to think. Camus’ implication is that certain kinds of suffering, or external bordom, reveal to us our inner lives. We have no choice but to reckon with ourselves, since the external reality isn’t to our liking. If we’re always entertained, we live a shallow existence. As the adage states, smooth seas make poor sailors.
But isn’t this a cop-out in a way? Is Sisyphus really “here now” if he’s thinking about a day at the beach instead of the weight of the stone? It depends!
Lao Tzu’s quote is more limited than it seems. Imagination, a wondrous gift of our species, is about the future. And fond memories of great days can be restorative, and inspiring, but are about the past. The past and the future can be healthy places for our minds to go. Our minds have the power to time travel and it’s an asset, as long as we don’t get lost in it and deny the present in the wrong way or at the wrong time.
How to be here (later)
Since you are reading this essay, you are stuck here with me for the moment. But I’d like to advise you on how to stay present once you’re done here.
Pay attention to what experiences transcend time for you. It’s personal and subjective. What works for one person won’t work for another. Playing full court basketball is at the top of my list. My brain gets lost in the combination of mental and physical challenges that I forget almost everything else about my life. When I am done it’s like waking from a dream. This probably won’t work for you. But what does? If nothing works, you need to try some new activities. For some people it’s learning something new, and diving into curiosity, that has similiar effects to basketball for me.
Explore social and private presence. If I’m in good company, sharing a meal and a conversation keeps me in the moment. We are social creatures and breaking bread with others, perhaps by a fire, is directly linked to our survival. Most of us respond well to it for that reason. But you might be someone who feels most centered and present when you are alone. Part of why I meditate and keep a journal is to help me stay centered without anyone else’s participation. They are conversations with myself, for myself. A kind of self-love. We need both kinds, social and private, to stay in balance.
Get into your body. The oldest parts of our brains control how we feel. It’s not our prefrontal cortex, as much as our egos want us to believe this. Instead we know from science it’s our amygdala, a pair of peanut sized blobs at the center of our brains, that decide when we feel stressed or relaxed. Being in the moment depends on what the amygdala decides for us. If you struggle to be present, remember that our bodies evolved to move. To stretch. To breathe. Our convenience culture gives us movies and games for our minds, but our bodies, governed by the amygdala, run the show and we ignore it at our peril. Go for a walk. Swim in a mountain lake on a summer day. Take a cold shower. Be present with your body and your mind will follow.
If I was with smart folks around a tavern table, such as your friend Zug, we could talk a lot from this letter. I would spout off little sentences as a catalyst for others to talk. Here is what I might say:
Ya basketball! Meanwhile, I used to heave a shuddering sigh at returning to earth at the end of Star Trek. I forget when I stopped doing that.
While in the short run we should concentrate on our rock, especially if it is only for one work-shift. But in the long run I expect Sisyphus would learn to multi-task and think. I mean, he's not going anywhere.
Bill Cosby once advised kids to get an education, saying "Anyone can move a box, the question is what are you thinking about as you move that box."
... If this sounds familiar, it is a paraphrase of "...but a manager says, 'move that box.'
Some of the greatest original thinking has been by people who removed themselves to the lonely desert, or were removed to jail by others, giving them time to meditate and synthesize their experiences. If today I am a little wiser, it is partly because as a senior citizen, with less ego involvement, I have more time to think... Hence I get a kick out of adding a label-tag of "senior citizen" to some of my blog essays.
My boss once noted that I was the only one who always took a second before I answered any question. I guess that was partly from a life-style habit of being present, and bringing my full self to the answer.
full court basketball WAS one of my favorite escapes. the focus, competition, teamwork (hopefully), physical challenges - it was a great combo for me for decades. I have accepted my body is no longer there. a pandemic and a few surgeries pushed me over the line.
back to the question - the key for me is to enjoy some moments every day, and I ask myself at the end of the day - was it a good day? I've asked my wife if she had a good day and that is not the way she thinks. her way works for her, but I need to note them. it could be driving my convertible with a good song on, something silly my dog does, fun bird interactions at the feeder, a good sip of wine, etc, etc. so for me living in the moment means looking for, recognizing and enjoying the moments.
and sean, let me know if you find yourself around a tavern table. just make sure htey have a red or amber, not one of those IPA only joints.