Rule #1: don't die
If you don't survive, none of your rules matter
My own list of rules to live by is on a whiteboard that faces my desk. This book could just be “Scott’s rules to live by” but that’s just boring. I’d rather use this project as a way to learn. How can I use the writing of this book as a way to challenge myself with rules and philosophies for life from others?
My offer: to get you more involved I need to show more of my opinions for you to respond to. I get that. So here is my first rule to live by: don’t die.
Brains are good at survival, not happiness
Most self-help advice skips over the important fact that if you die, no advice can help you. Platitudes like follow your bliss, or everything will work out in the end, assume that you won’t get hit by a bus this afternoon (please look both ways when crossing streets today). Or that a giant 70 mile long asteroid doesn’t take us all out by crashing into the Pacific Ocean while we’re finishing up reheating pizza for dinner.
“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” - Alan Watts
To put this another way: what good is the golden rule, or the adage be curious, not judgemental if you are being chased by an angry tiger, right to the slippery edge of a 100 foot cliff? As you ran for your life, would any of the other rules we talk about come to mind at all? And if any of them happened to be useful, which I doubt, would you have the presence of mind to follow any them?
It sounds obvious, I know, but if you can remember how lucky you are to exist at all it makes life easier. It is a calming exercise to to think about the infinity of the universe and the history of time. It’s mostly filled with dead, empty space and we are profoundly different from that. To be here able to read this is an exceptionally rare occurance in the history of everything. It’s so rare that there’s a good chance it doesn’t make any sense at all, which is a relief if we can get past our own egos. Dogs and cats don’t worry about this sort of thing which is part of why we like being around them so much.
For most of the 300,000 years or so of human history every day was a struggle to survive. Our bodies and minds had to work hard just to have enough to eat and find a safe place to sleep. We always had important problems to solve. Until very recently if you woke up unsure about survival and ended your day sleeping in a safe place with a full stomach you’d be very fulfilled indeed. And being fulfilled is a goal our brains are better suited for than being happy.
Yet today we have high expectations for life. We except every urge to be satisfied and every question to be answered, and all without having to do much work (pssst: our brains and bodies are built for work too). We expect so much that we often feel disapointed. So the first rule tells us that not dying is an achievement. It means a great deal. It is worth remembering many times a day.
We are born crying because of expectations
It’s also good to remember that when we are born, we cry. Why? Because we expected something better I guess? Being born is hard. It’s scary. But it also tells us something about how our emotions and desire to predict the future can get us into trouble.
I meditate on most days. Why? It resets my mind and I forget my expectations for life. I forget where I am. I forget what time it is. I even forget who I am sometimes. And then when my meditation ends and and I return to my life, and my ego, it’s all renewed. And interesting. Look! It’s a couch! They’re so soft. Oh! There’s an oak tree outside! I love trees. Oh right, I get to eat food! And watch movies! OMG. And I can remember all the good things about existing at all. I can remember the bad things too and feel kind of good about them because those feelings mean I’m still alive. I can be OK for another day and think about other rules for life since I’ve lived up to the first rule: don’t die.
Below is a photo of my rules whiteboard. The list of rules is in black on the right. I look at it every day. I can see it right now as I type this.
But it’s blurred so I don’t give all my rules away at once. I’m such a tease, aren’t I? You you probably couldn’t read them anyway since I have terrible handwriting that you’d ask me to translate. Having good handwritting is not a rule.
Anyway, let me know what you think about Rule #1?
Excellent Rule #1… however, I don't think it's universal. One of my dad's favorite words was "apoptosis" (which I've written about on my own "museletter" elsewhere). The idea is that cells are "programmed" to die at the right time; for example, the cells that hold a leaf to the branch have to basically suicide in order for the leaf to fall. Apoptosis is critical for the survival of the larger system. So I'd change the rule to: "Don't die… until the right time."
I like the rule. I have not written rules but in the past when I write down priorities my health is at the top, same idea different words. If I am not healthy I can’t focus on my other priorities or help others. Put your oxygen mask on first type of rule.
You could also expand it to be don’t let your family, kids, pets, friends, community, earth die.