I recently heard a quote I really liked: if a person isn't happy, it doesn't matter whether they live to 100, because they'll just be unhappy at 100. I think the same idea applies to the negativity you're describing here. Dwelling on regrets is its own kind of negativity, and while it might motivate some people, for me at least it doesn't actually feel good or change much.
The way I see it, most regrets come from looking back, and they fall into two buckets: things I could have controlled and things I couldn't. If it was something within my control, I can just do better next time, there’s no need to keep regretting it. If it was out of my control, then regretting it won't fix anything anyway. Either way, I'd rather not dwell on it too much.
Yes - it's funny how some people who are miserable are more focused on living longer than living better. I guess living longer seems like an easier problem to solve?
I agree with you about the buckets of regrets. And not dwelling too much. When I catch myself dwelling I try to realize there is probably something in my life now that deserve more attention - to put whatever emotions I have about the past into helping the present.
I agree, being busy with kids and a demanding work schedule kind of forces that on me. It doesn’t leave much room to dwell, which turns out to be a good thing. I’m a persona who reflects a lot, and certain memories just surface to me on their own, including ones I don’t enjoy. When that happens I try to steer myself away as quickly as I can and put that energy into the what’s present, like you said. I don’t think I’ll ever fully escape it, because that’s just how I’m wired, but I’ve been training myself on this for years and I can feel myself getting better. These days I think myself a pretty happy and positive person.
Glad to hear you are happy and positive! That might be highest achievement there is.
In doing research for this book it has been fascinating the diverging opinions about tough past memories and if we need to dig in to them or let them go.
I suspect the purpose of written (non media) time travel stories to have people get on with life and not try to mentally change things: There's a reason such travel is called "messing with the past."
When President Harry Truman was asked if he had thought about his past, and imagined taking different paths he said, "No, what would be the point?"
And when some reporter asked Harry if his father was a failure, he snapped, "He raised a son to be president of the United States, and that is success enough for any man!"
As for choosing what to regret, I think, you just never know.
I may not have called it "mortality salience", but I have used the concept for years. I am glad we have limited time on earth, that fact should help us set our priorities. Yingying has a very busy life, and it sounds like he is making the most of it and creating a better future for his family. I am fortunate to be less busy, and am also trying to make the most of it and creating a better present/future for my family and those around me. in my eyes, the fact that we have limited and unknown time to do so, clarifies what i do today
I recently heard a quote I really liked: if a person isn't happy, it doesn't matter whether they live to 100, because they'll just be unhappy at 100. I think the same idea applies to the negativity you're describing here. Dwelling on regrets is its own kind of negativity, and while it might motivate some people, for me at least it doesn't actually feel good or change much.
The way I see it, most regrets come from looking back, and they fall into two buckets: things I could have controlled and things I couldn't. If it was something within my control, I can just do better next time, there’s no need to keep regretting it. If it was out of my control, then regretting it won't fix anything anyway. Either way, I'd rather not dwell on it too much.
Yes - it's funny how some people who are miserable are more focused on living longer than living better. I guess living longer seems like an easier problem to solve?
I agree with you about the buckets of regrets. And not dwelling too much. When I catch myself dwelling I try to realize there is probably something in my life now that deserve more attention - to put whatever emotions I have about the past into helping the present.
I agree, being busy with kids and a demanding work schedule kind of forces that on me. It doesn’t leave much room to dwell, which turns out to be a good thing. I’m a persona who reflects a lot, and certain memories just surface to me on their own, including ones I don’t enjoy. When that happens I try to steer myself away as quickly as I can and put that energy into the what’s present, like you said. I don’t think I’ll ever fully escape it, because that’s just how I’m wired, but I’ve been training myself on this for years and I can feel myself getting better. These days I think myself a pretty happy and positive person.
Glad to hear you are happy and positive! That might be highest achievement there is.
In doing research for this book it has been fascinating the diverging opinions about tough past memories and if we need to dig in to them or let them go.
I suspect the purpose of written (non media) time travel stories to have people get on with life and not try to mentally change things: There's a reason such travel is called "messing with the past."
When President Harry Truman was asked if he had thought about his past, and imagined taking different paths he said, "No, what would be the point?"
And when some reporter asked Harry if his father was a failure, he snapped, "He raised a son to be president of the United States, and that is success enough for any man!"
As for choosing what to regret, I think, you just never know.
I just learned the term "mortality salience" - which is the awareness of dying and how it effects behavior.
I may not have called it "mortality salience", but I have used the concept for years. I am glad we have limited time on earth, that fact should help us set our priorities. Yingying has a very busy life, and it sounds like he is making the most of it and creating a better future for his family. I am fortunate to be less busy, and am also trying to make the most of it and creating a better present/future for my family and those around me. in my eyes, the fact that we have limited and unknown time to do so, clarifies what i do today